I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
