Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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