I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
