we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
