OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
