It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
