On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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