It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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