I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
