When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize