I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
