sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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