the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
