I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
how drunk are you?
Several
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
