We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
