dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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