It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
