do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
