Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
