Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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