in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
