Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize