Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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