Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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