So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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