New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
