if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
