Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
