My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
