so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
