I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
