So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize