she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
