Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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