Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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