Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
