The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
two words: eviction party
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize