a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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