She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
