You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
