apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
