I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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