i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
