I wish I only lived at night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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