I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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