I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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