6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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