ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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