He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
