totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
