community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
