please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
