dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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