Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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