I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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