apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
