She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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