.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
