Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
