3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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