I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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