I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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