no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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