laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
