If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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