I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
