I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
