spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize