At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
