I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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