A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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