Umm I'm too high to move.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's rum buckets o'clock
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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