i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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